Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – JANUARY 5 - 11, 2004
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WEATHER
Las Vegas Gets 3 Inches of Snow
Hell freezes over.
ENTERTAINMENT
Reality TV Show Stars Young Execs Competing for Job with Donald Trump
Loser must take the job.
Ancient Greek Verses by
Menander, "Father of Sitcom,"
Discovered in Rome

Tell story of Athenian philosopher with wife, five kids, and wisecracking neighbor.
 
BUSINESS
Interstate Bakeries to Close Plants, Lay Off Workers, Automate
Some fear Wonder Bread, Twinkies may lose fresh-baked, homemade quality America loves.
Dog Soft Drink Market Heats Up
Analysts predict $10 billion industry by 2010.
SCIENCE
Saturn Closest to Earth in 30 Years
You'll be able to see someone undressing on Saturn with your naked eye.
Texas A&M Scientists Clone Deer
Experiment financed by grant from NRA.
Vinland Map, Proving Norsemen Visited America Before Columbus, Deemed Authentic
Also authenticated: receipts from several motels in Nova Scotia.
 
YOGA EXERCISE OF THE WEEK

Assume your favorite yoga position, take ten, deep, cleansing breaths, and while keeping your blood pressure at a constant, steady, low reading, consider the prospect of four more years of being stuck in Iraq, as huge energy, pharmaceutical, mining, logging, financial and insurance interests line their pockets with your tax dollars.

If you can do that, you will be reincarnated as a beam of pure light.

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