Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – FEBRUARY 23 - 29, 2004
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PEOPLE
With Congress Recessed, Bush Makes Surprise Appointment to Federal Bench
New judge (right) installed without lengthy filibuster.
ENTERTAINMENT
Mel Gibson Wants “To Kill” Critic Frank Rich, Wants “His Intestines on a Stick,” Wants “To Kill His Dog”
But hopes Christ's message of forgiveness quells controversy over film.
Emmys Add Reality Category
Awards will be handed out for “Most Humiliated Man” and “Most Humiliated Woman” in a prime-time series.
 
CONSUMER NEWS
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Minnesota Study: Sex Doubled
Among Teens in Abstinence-
Only Ed Program

Quickly became schools' most popular program.
Study: Children's TV Leads to
Later Aggression, Violence

As adults, we want to strangle Barney.
 
SCIENCE
Astronomers Discover 10 Billion Trillion Trillion Carat Diamond Star
“We're rich! We're rich!” they announce.
Loch Ness Monster Doesn't Exist, Says BBC
Exhaustive underwater search fails to find any trace of Nessie (right).
  — AMERICA'S TOP SELLING CARS —
  Category   Make & Model   MPG
  SUV   Ford Dominator   If you have to ask, you don't want it.
  Subcompact   Hyundai Sardine   50 city (don't take this on the highway).
  Sedan   Honda Arewethereyet?   No, shut up!
  Sports Car   Porsche Erection   Who cares?
  Pickup   Chevy Gunrack   None of your goddamn business.

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