Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – AUGUST 2 - 8, 2004
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PEOPLE
Britney Spears Planning a Kabbalah Wedding
Just as Nostradamus predicted.
ENTERTAINMENT
Miss America Pageant Drops
Talent Competition

Move made in response to statistics pointing to sharp rise in viewer suicides during that segment.
Study Finds Film Ratings
More Lenient

What used to receive an R (Bad language, sex, violence) now receives a G (Fun for the whole family).
 
BUSINESS
Jobs Picture Improves in
Service Sector

Led by bodyguards, lookouts, drug mules.
GM Thinking of Developing New Concept Car
Vehicle (not shown) is not yet on the drawing boards.
ENVIRONMENT
In Streamlining Move, EPA to
Ignore Endangered Species Act
In Reviewing New Pesticides

Should speed to market sprays effective against condors, Galapagos tortoises, and giant pandas.
 
SCIENCE
Revenge Built Into Genes,
Says New Research

Based on thirty-year study of selected families in Sicily.
 
 
Yawning Contagious Among Chimps
Researchers observe dozens of chimpanzees as they watch political conventions.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
195,000 Deaths Due to Hospital Error
Mostly in totaling up the bill.
FDA Approves Botox for
Excessive Sweating

In time for vice presidential debate.

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