Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – DECEMBER 6 - 12, 2004
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PEOPLE
Paris Hilton Iraq- Bound to Help With Upcoming Elections
Hotel heiress will canvass Baghdad precincts.
Report: Transportation Secretary Mineta Resigned Three Weeks Ago
But nobody noticed.
SPORTS
Babe Ruth Bat Sells for $1.26 Million
Auctioneer was on steroids.
 
TRENDS
“Never Marrieds” in 30-34 Age Group
Rises to 23% of Women, 34% of Men
 
Youngsters participating in federally funded abstinence-only programs are taught which three of the following four facts?
1) Half of all gay male teens have tested positive for the AIDS virus.
2) Abortion can lead to sterility and suicide.
3) Touching a person's genitals “can result in pregnancy.”
4) A girl who has sex before marriage is inviting Satan into her body.
(Partial credit is given for two out of three correct answers.)
 
ART
Marcel Duchamp's "Fountain" Voted 20th Century's Most Influential Artwork
And most practical.

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