Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – DECEMBER 13 - 19, 2004
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PEOPLE
 
Rumsfeld Asked
To Stay

He's rewarded for astute post-war planning, prescient troop strength assessment, and discreet cover-up of 90% of the torture cases we haven't heard about yet.
 
ENTERTAINMENT
Powell: FCC Received 240,000 Complaints About Indecency in 2003
Even though 239,520 were from one group, the Parents Television Council, “it's a sign the public wants action,” he says.
 
BUSINESS
Price of Coffee, Cigarettes Up
Price of cocaine, heroin down.
 
GIFTS
Perfect Stocking Stuffer
You won't believe the price on this festive holiday gift (shipping extra, robe not included).
SCIENCE
Chickens Have Same Number of Genes as Humans
And yet we have the ability to prepare chicken in so many delicious ways.
All Nine Planets Align in Night
Sky; First Occurrence in
Over 400 Years

And, just like last time, about nine people will bother to look.
 
Miss Digital World Crowned
She wins out over 343,000,000 other contestants.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Low-Fat, High-Carb, High-Fat, Low-Carb Diets Losing Popularity
High-Fat, High-Carb diet gaining.
 
TRAVEL
Afghans to Convert Tora Bora Caves Into Tourist Attraction
Expect visitors from all over will want to see where bin Laden once lived, and possibly capture him.

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