Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – DECEMBER 13 - 19, 2004
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MISCELLANEOUS
World's Tallest Building to Begin Construction in Dubai
160-floor structure slated for completion in time for filming of next "King Kong" sequel.
 
SPORTS
Major League Baseball Takes
Tough Stance on Steroids

Orders Oakland to immediately rename Androstenedione Stadium.
Barry Bonds to Give Back
134 Home Runs

Agreement allows him to keep playing, but puts him behind Harmon Killebrew on all-time list.
College Football: Bowl Lineup Set
Every school except Eastern Wyoming A&M, Northern South Dakota State, and West Southwestern Arizona Maritime Institute will play in a post-season contest.
Hank Aaron, Willie Mays, Stan Musial, Duke Snider Injected With Anabolic Steroids
All say they're looking forward to spring training.
HOLIDAY SHOPPING GUIDE
Need a Hand? Who Doesn't?
Hand, eye, foot, you name it, they've got it at the Body Parts Boutique, the place you go when you need something really special, and different, for that certain someone. And their prices are reasonable. An arm or a leg won't cost you (all together now) an arm and a leg.

What's the Hottest Fashion Item of the Year?
Gotta be the poncho, Pancho. And no one makes a trendier poncho than the Official State Haberdasher to the President of Chile. However, to get one you have to be the leader of a member state attending the APEC (Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperation) forum in Santiago, and be willing to back preemptive military action against Iran. Otherwise, you're just going to have to admire them from afar.

A Car for That Driving Enthusiast On Your List
Throw away the Segway! This baby goes on freeways, and it's economical. Besides the great mileage, you never have to rotate the tires. Perfect for anyone who doesn't mind an occasional mud puddle or getting peed on by dogs.

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