Ironic Times

 NO. 226 "Expect the Ironic" JANUARY 10 - 16, 2005 

Jan 3
Jan 17
SECRETARY OF STATE- DESIGNATE RICE MAKES SURPRISE VISIT TO IRAQ
Drops 500-pound bomb on “safehouse.”
 
WORLD NEWS
Officials: Iraq Election Will Take
Place on January 30th

Just not in Iraq.
Report: European Drug Dealers
No Longer Using Dollar

Euro “less prone to speculative fluctuation,” says man named Raoul.
 
EDUCATION
Administration Counters Charges of Underfunding No Child Left Behind
Points to $240,000 paid to TV journalist to praise program on his show.
 
ALSO IN THE NEWS . . .
 
Inauguration Ball Gift Packages Creating Positive Buzz
Alberto Gonzales thumb screw cufflinks (right) most popular.
U. S. NEWS
General Says Temporary 30,000
Troop Increase Will Be Extended

But only until it becomes permanent.
U.S. Still Leads Other Nations in
Major Communications Industry

Forty-two percent of all junk e-mails originate here.
D.C. to Build Baseball Stadium
Will replace landmark Capitol building, already slated for demolition.
 
REMINDER
  Abstain from sex, unless it's needed
  to elicit actionable intelligence.
 
Iraq War Yields Unexpected Bonus
Fraction of college students who can locate Iraq, Iran, Syria, Jordan, Saudi Arabia on world map goes from 1% to 1.5%.
Congress' Bipartisan Civility
Retreat Canceled

After meeting to plan menu ends in brawl.
 
LIFESTYLE
55-Year-Old Woman Gives
Birth to Her Own Grandchildren

And already they don't come to see her.
FRONT PAGE
PAGE TWO
PAGE THREE
ARCHIVE
CONTACT
STORE

   Copyright 2005 Ironic Times