Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – JANUARY 17 - 23, 2005
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BUSINESS
Some Japanese Companies Replacing Workers With Robots
Shown: former Honda executive (right) is told she's no longer needed.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Costs Are Top U.S. Health Care Concern
Living or dying is next.
Vending Machine Industry
Fighting Obesity With
Color-Coded Snack Labels

Here's what the colors mean:
 
    GREEN:  Best choice
    YELLOW:  Choose occasionally
    RED:  What you really want
Government Reveals Health Secrets
New guidelines: exercise more, question less.
 
SCIENCE
  National Science Foundation:
Clear Skies Initiative Will Make
Skies More Polluted

Research is flawed, says EPA chief (above, second from right, in foreground).
RELIGION
Judge Orders Removal of
Stickers Placed in Bibles

Stickers read: “This Bible contains material on creationism, which claims everything just appeared all of a sudden ten thousand years ago. Puhleeze.”
 
FEATURE
What to Do If You Find Yourself
in a Pit of Quicksand
1.  Remain calm. Panic doesn't help.
2. Assess the situation.
3. Whatever the result of the assessment, DO NOT leave the quicksand. This is the same as admitting you made a mistake.
4. Stay the course. Your friends and enemies will gain respect for you if you persevere.
5. Ask others to join you in the quicksand.
6. If nobody joins you, never mind: continue in the same direction, deeper into the pit.
7. Talk about something else. Maybe nobody will notice you're sinking.
 
CORRECTION
A recent article misstated President Bush's solution for asbestos injury lawsuits as calling for a ban on asbestos. In fact the president called for a ban on lawsuits. We apologize for any confusion caused by our mistake.

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