Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – MARCH 7 - 13, 2005
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PEOPLE
Bill Says Hillary Would Be an “Excellent” President
All he'd need for himself is a small space just off the oval office.
 
ENTERTAINMENT
Martha Stewart's “Apprentice” Spin-off Looks for Kinder Tag Line
Leading choice: “Bitch, your ass is mine.”
TV: Fake News Network
Shakes Up Schedule
 
FNN's New Lineup for Sunday Nights:
  8 - 9:   Armstrong Williams Reports
  9 -10:   Hardball, with Jeff Gannon
  10-11:   For Non-Gay Married People Only, with Maggie Gallagher
 
BUSINESS
Aging Superheroes Call for
Increased Benefits

And a strong dental plan.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Most Binge Drinking in
Midwest, Great Plains

Southerners dispute findings, urge further research.
Suicides Outnumber Homicides 3 to 2
But with proper treatment internalized anger can be externalized, ratio reversed.
 
ART
  Painting by Elephant Brings
Record Sum for Work of
Abstract Expressionism

Exceeds amount paid for canvases by J. Fred Muggs, Jackson Pollock.
 
HIGH TECH
Samsung to Market Mobile Phone Which Can Tickle or Slap
“Will usher in new era,” says spokeswoman, Jenna Jameson.
 
LAW
High Court: No Death
Penalty for Minors

Without parental permission.

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