Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – MARCH 28 - APRIL 3, 2005
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MISCELLANEOUS
New Invention From Japan Could Transform Society
So far, however, sales of “Nursin' Daddy- san” are slow.
ENTERTAINMENT
Harlem Globetrotters Add
African-American Player

He'll join eleven Lithuanians on tour with current version of team.
MPAA Adds New Rating
PG-55 allows admission to dirty old men when accompanied by parent or guardian.
 
BUSINESS
Report: Typical Two-Bedroom Apartment Requires Renter to Earn Three Times Federal Minimum Wage
“Let them buy homes,” says Bush.
Kmart, Sears Merge
Two failing companies combine to form one huge failing company.
Coke Launches Coca-Cola Zero
Aimed at consumer who will pay something for nothing.
SCIENCE
Scientists Recover 70-Million
Year-Old Soft Tissue From
Tyrannosaurus Rex

Will be sent to uncharted island of eccentric billionaire for further study.
Brookhaven Particle Accelerator Created Black Hole
Present whereabouts of Brookhaven, particle accelerator unknown.
 
Shakespeare's Will Placed Online by British National Archives
Now everyone can read his final request that “no one ever put my works to music, adapt them for science fiction, or perform them without clothes on.”
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Large Glass of Pomegranate
Juice a Day Cuts Risk of
Heart Attack

Increases risk of suicide.
Low-Sugar Cereals Equal in
Calories to Sugared Cereals

But better for your self-esteem.

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