Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – MARCH 28 - APRIL 3, 2005
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FEATURE

Been lots of talk lately about what God wants humans to do regarding end-of-life issues, but not much about what I want. So let me clear that up: the only thing which pleases me more than the prospect of tens of thousands of human vegetables hooked up to machines for decades at a time is the spectacle of politicians grandstanding the issue for political gain. But since I already have that, there's really nothing more I can ask for! So thank you's to the Bush brothers, to Tom DeLay, Bill Frist and the gang. Hope to see you all soon at my place.

Satan, a former Archangel of the Lord, resigned to spend more time with his family.
 
ART
Artist Sneaks Into Four
NY Museums, Puts Own
Paintings on Walls

Museum officials still trying to figure out which ones.
TOYS
New George Bush Action Figure Goes On Sale
As superhero in U.S., supervillain abroad.
 
SPORTS
Major League Baseball
Adjusts to Post-Steroid Era

Legalizes corked bats.
 
FACTOID
One-Third of Americans
Chronically Overworked

Other two-thirds unemployed.
 
FEATURE
The Supreme Court upheld a Florida law which prohibits which one of the following from adopting children?
 A )Single people.
 B )Former felons.
 C )Former drug abusers.
 D )Former child abusers.
 E )Gay and lesbian couples.
Hint: before choosing D), remember: you can pick only one answer!

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