Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – APRIL 18 - 24, 2005
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PEOPLE
Hugh Hefner Celebrates Lonely
79th Birthday


Only three of his seven girlfriends
bother to show up.
No Member of British Royal
Family Makes Unpardonable
Gaffe This Week

First embarrassment-free seven-day period since April 6-12, 1993.
 
ENTERTAINMENT
Sony Developing Technology That Lets You Smell TV Programs
Could end many show business careers.
 
BUSINESS
U.S. Pay Gap Widens Between
CEOs and Their Workers

Narrows between CEOs and their defense attorneys.
Hoover Recalls 636,000 Vacuum Cleaners Which Can Catch Fire
Most models will get bolted-on fire extinguishers.
McDONALD'S
TURNS 50

Outlives most of its customers.
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Study: Dementia Can Be Avoided With Sex, Exercise, Crossword Puzzles
Sex can be avoided by doing crossword puzzles, exercising, feigning dementia.
 
SCIENCE
4.4-Billion-Year-Old Rock,
Earth's Oldest Object, on
Display at Univ. of Wisconsin

Along with disclaimer: “May only be 10,000 years old.”
 
65-Million-Year-
Old Dinosaur
Eggs Missing
In China

Authorities intend to question promoters of “World's Largest Omelette” at nearby amusement park.
 
CORRECTION
In our Entertainment section last week we described a heart-pounding medical thriller in which thousands of samples of a deadly virus which killed millions worldwide in 1957 are accidentally sent to thousands of labs in countries around the globe, and the heroes must race against time to get them back. In fact this was not a movie but a news story and should have been identified as such. We apologize for the error.

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