Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – MAY 9 - 15, 2005
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PEOPLE
Groom Still Wants to Marry
Runaway Bride

TV rights alone will pay for divorce.
Paris Hilton Cloned
Run for your life.
ENTERTAINMENT
Cher Ends Her Three-Year
Farewell Tour

Begins her four-year Comeback Tour.
 
BUSINESS
S&P Downgrades Ford, GM
Debt to “Junk”

Cars upgraded to “worthless.”
 
EVENTS
Miss Jumbo Universe Crowned In Bangkok
Pageant later announces it will discontinue swimsuit competition.
SCIENCE
“Most Beautiful” Mummy
Discovered Near Cairo

Archeologists speculate body is that of Miss Egypt, 2,300 B.C.
Missing Link Between Herbivores,
Carnivores Discovered in Utah

125-million-year-old therizinosaur was vegetarian, but ate meat occasionally so as not to upset parents.
 
 
New Study: Parents Treat More Attractive Child Better
Tommy Smothers (left) had it right.
 
Report: Climate Change Will Severely Limit Global Food Production
“Don't have seconds,” suggests White House science adviser.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Divorce Rate Disputed
It's “too high,” says one member of research team; “too low,” says her husband.

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