Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – JUNE 13 - 19, 2005
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RELIGION
Man Eats Toast Bearing Image of Virgin Mary
Loss appraised at $42,500.
SPORTS
Germany: 40,000 Prostitutes
Expected at 2006 World Cup

Eventually, only thirty-two will qualify to represent their countries in first-round competition.
NBA Draft Preview
Foreign big men dominate most experts' predicted top five selections.
 1.  Milwaukee: Ming Toi Ling, 7'9" (China)
 2.  Atlanta: Dong Teng Yang, 7'8" (China)
 3.  Portland: Ling Yao Lang, 7'7" (China)
 4.  New Orleans: Deng Dao Ding, 7'6" (China)
 5.  Charlotte: Ying Lao Ting, 7'6" (China).
FEATURE
When Condoleezza Rice described the Asian tsunami as “a wonderful opportunity” that “has paid great dividends for us,” she was referring to:
A ) the chance for the world to see U.S. military personnel helping to distribute food and clothing instead of bombing and killing.
B ) the chance for ordinary Americans to reach into their wallets to help others in need.
C ) the destruction of seaside fishing villages which can now be rebuilt by private developers as oceanfront luxury resorts for foreign tourists.
D ) All of the above, except A) and B).
 
CLASSIFIED
'49 Ford Merc. 4DR Sedan, 349,000mi, good-exc., seaworthy, AM radio, like-new tires, $950 (U.S.) obo.

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