Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – SEPT 26 - OCT 2, 2005
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ENTERTAINMENT
Tyra Banks Proves Breasts Real on TV Show
Several “Are They Real?” pilots already in the works.
Conservatives Urged to See
March of the Penguins for
Its Positive Family Values

Penguins urged to see La Cage aux Folles for its positive penguin values.
 
PUBLISHING
The New York Times Lays
Off 4% of Work Force

Changes motto to “Most of the News That's Fit to Print.”
 
BUSINESS
Wal-Mart Accused in Court of Denying Workers Lunch Breaks
“They can't afford lunch on what we're paying them,” explains company lawyer.
New Device Disables Digital Cameras Up to 33 Feet Away
Pentagon orders thousands.
SCIENCE
Mars Orbiter Spots Fresh Boulder Tracks On Planet's Surface
“Just somebody messing with our minds,” says NASA spokesman.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Study Questions Effectiveness
Of Studies

Finds further study may be needed.
 
World's First Face Transplant Successful
Vice President concealed nature of operation, claiming it was for aneurysm.
 
CORRECTION
We were mistaken recently when we reported that the FTC investigation into alleged gasoline price gouging by the major oil companies during hurricane Katrina had targeted former Chevron/Texaco lawyer Deborah Majores. In fact, Bush appointed Majores last year to head the FTC, where she is overseeing the investigation. We regret any confusion caused by our error.

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