Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – OCTOBER 24 - 30, 2005
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ENTERTAINMENT
TV: Tool-Using Gorilla Gets Own Show
“Extreme Treehouse Makeover” slated as mid-season replacement on Animal Planet.
Senate Panel Sets Date of
April 7, 2009 for Switch From
Analog to Digital Broadcasting

From that day forward all the vapid, insipid, mind-rotting shows you normally watch will only be available on specially equipped sets.
Sitcom Based on Kutcher-Moore Marriage in Production
May-December relationship provides inspiration for “Cradle-Robbing Hussies,” from producers Michael Douglas and Warren Beatty.
 
BUSINESS
AOL Will Lay Off 700
Operators who explain the problem is with
your browser to be replaced by recording.
“Nothing” Goes
On Sale

Aimed at “the anti-materialist who has everything.”
SCIENCE
Scientists Identify Empathy
Gene in Mice

Could lead to humans becoming more empathetic towards mice.
Ramen Noodles From 4,000 Years Ago Discovered in China
They were “still good.”
 
Mars Rover Stuck
Behind Huge Boulder

NASA scientists will study picture carefully in attempt to determine who or what took picture.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Study: 1.7 Million Children in Homes Where Loaded, Unlocked Gun Kept
Most have been told not to take gun to school, fire on teachers, classmates.
Report: Fetuses Soak in Bath of Mercury, Gasoline Byproducts, Teflon, Pesticides
No child left behind.
 
THIS WEEK'S PUZZLER
  How would Jesus vote on repeal
of the estate tax?

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