Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – NOVEMBER 21 - 27, 2005
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PEOPLE
Oops! Michael Jackson Mistakenly Uses Ladies' Room in Dubai
Then mistakenly uses men's room.
 
BUSINESS
Consumers Expected to Spend
$746 Billion on Holiday Gifts

And exchange them all for cash.
ID Theft “Exaggerated,” Says Expert
“No it's not,” says man claiming to be that same expert.
 
SCIENCE
Cambridge Researcher: Man Can Live 1,000 Years or Longer
If he avoids reading the news.
Study: Squirrels Have Complex Language
They have over 400 words for “nuts.”
Einstein's Brain Given New Life Inside Robot Body
First up: “a unified field theory,” says rejuvenated genius.
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Study: Exercise Can
Add 3 Years to Life

But it's 3 years of exercising.
First "Lust Drug" for Both Sexes Being Rushed to Market
FDA holding up approval of morning-after pill.
Portuguese Scientists Report
Successful Test of Anticavity
Vaccine in Rats

Now, if they can just get them to floss.
 
SPECIAL FEATURE
Companies on the Go:
Halliburton Products and Services

Subsidiary of: Halliburton
Location: Cayman Islands
Type of business: Oil Field Services for Iran
Income: $40 Million per year
Headquarters: No actual building
Offices: No actual office
Employees: No actual employees
Primary Function: Avoid U.S. laws against doing business with Iran
Secondary Function: Avoid U.S. taxes
Costs of doing business: Small fee paid to manager of bank to forward all mail addressed to company in Cayman Islands to Halliburton HQ in Houston, Texas
Highlights: Extremely low overhead, outstanding tax mitigation
Summary: Amazingly successful!

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