Ironic Times

page one
PAGE THREE – DECEMBER 5 - 11, 2005
page two

SPORTS
Chessboxing Heavyweight Championship Won by Relative Newcomer
“Killer” Kowalski (left) was down a rook and two pawns before landing a haymaker and knocking Russian Grandmaster Ivan Lefco (right) senseless.
Baseball: Hot Stove League
Really Heats Up

Over-the-hill lead-footed banjo hitter traded for washed-up dead-armed drunk and a hopeless head case to be named later.
 
PUBLISHING
Bush's Victory in Iraq Zooms to Top of Bestseller List
Outselling all other works in its category.
 
1. Victory in Iraq, by George W. Bush
2. Victory in Vietnam, by Richard M. Nixon
3. Victory in Vietnam, by Lyndon B. Johnson
4. Victory in Vietnam, by John F. Kennedy
5. Victory in Korea, by Harry S. Truman
FEATURE
How will you know when the housing bubble has burst?
A )Developers selling subdivisions to farmers to convert into cropland.
B )Long, awkward silences at suburban cocktail parties.
C )Real estate agents holding signs reading, “Will sell your house for food.”
 
LIFESTYLE
Profile: Average American
Still Super-Sizing

He or she is 35, drives an SUV, shops at big box stores, attends a megachurch, lives in a McMansion and weighs 412 pounds.
 
ODDS 'N ENDS
Huge Fried Eggs Showing Up on Florida Beaches Unrelated to Avian Flu
Say experts.

FRONT PAGE
PAGE TWO
PAGE THREE
ARCHIVE
CONTACT
STORE
   Copyright 2005 Ironic Times