Ironic Times

page one
PAGE TWO – APRIL 3 - 9, 2006
page three

PEOPLE
John Dean: Bush Worse Than Nixon
Cheney worse than Agnew, Gonzales worse than Mitchell, Rice worse than Kissinger, Jenna and Barbara worse than Julie and Tricia, Barney worse than King Timahoe, old Rumsfeld worse than young Rumsfeld.
 
BUSINESS
Dept. of Transportation Issues Tough New MPG Standards for SUVs
Except for the really big ones, which are, of course, exempt.
HEALTH / MEDICINE
American Heart Journal: Prayer
For Heart Patients No Help

Better to pray for health coverage.
Latest Study: People Drink Wine
Because They're Healthy, Not
Other Way Around

Next study: medications work because patients get better, not other way around.
 
ART
Sculpture of Britney Spears Giving Birth Breaks New Ground
First artwork ever to offend everybody.
   ADVERTISEMENT - PUBLIC NOTICE
  Our Rates Have Changed!  
  Due to the changing circumstances in Iraq, the Consortium of Iraqi Newspapers has upgraded our rate schedule from 10 to 40% for publishing positive stories written by the U.S. military without attribution:  
    War Going Well $2,000    
    Human Interest: G.I. Loved by Iraqi Children $3,000    
    Democracy on the March $5,000    
    U.S., Iraqi Forces Working Together $4,000    
    Iraqi Forces Better Every Day $5,000    
    Note: Rates for analyses already published in U.S. by columnists secretly paid by U.S. negotiated separately.
 
   
 
FRONT PAGE
PAGE TWO
PAGE THREE
ARCHIVE
CONTACT
STORE
   Copyright 2006 Ironic Times