Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – APRIL 24 - 30, 2006
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PEOPLE
Cheney Sees Situation in Iraq Improving, Bush Approval Rating Rising
In his dreams.
 
ENTERTAINMENT
Gilbert Gottfried Voted Unsexiest
Man; Bobby Goldsboro's "Honey"
Voted Worst Song

Being serenaded by Gottfried singing "Honey" voted Most Excruciating Experience.
 
BUSINESS
Ford Posts $1.2 Billion Loss
Will dump assembly line, begin making cars one at a time.
Researcher: Major Banking Sites Insecure
Announces findings from deck of his 200-foot yacht.
Pussycat Dolls Singing Group Signs Deal for Dolls in Their Likeness
Aimed at pre-adolescent girls, middle-aged men.
HEALTH / MEDICINE
FDA: Marijuana Has No Medicinal Benefits
"What are they smoking?" asks one critic.
Study: Drowsy Drivers Four Times More Likely to Crash
Test subjects given sleeping pills caused more accidents than those given placebos.
 
SCIENCE
Study: Emotional Wiring of Sexes Different
Women's complicated, while men have simple on-off switch.
World's Oldest Ice Retrieved From Deep Beneath Antarctic
World's oldest whiskey poured over it.
 
CORRECTION
 
In our story about the Washington Post receiving the Pulitzer Prize for its series exposing the secret, illegal gulag of prisons run by our government in Eastern Europe and elsewhere to hold and torture suspects, we reported that the CIA had dismissed a top official for authorizing the program. In fact, the official was dismissed for revealing the existence of the program to reporters. We regret any confusion caused by our error.

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