| PEOPLE |
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Prince
Charles Touts Traditional
Cures Like Acupuncture,
Herbal Remedies
Occasional animal, human
sacrifice. |
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Britney Spears No Longer
Follower of Kabbalah
Claims reading it gave her a headache. |
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Bush Dismisses Gore's Global
Warming Movie as Mere Speculation
Will instead see The Da Vinci Code. |
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| BUSINESS |
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GM Offers Some Buyers of
Largest
Gas Guzzlers Special Deal on Gas,
“Capping” Price at $1.99 Per
Gallon
Instant nominee for Most Environmentally
Insane Idea of the Year award. |
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| NEW PRODUCTS |
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Toyota Offers Car Which Parks
Itself as $700 Option
For another $500 it will carry you up to bed,
tuck you in. |
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Nike
Introduces iPod Shoe
Aimed at illegal
file-sharers on the run. |
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| SCIENCE |
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Study: Video Games Reduce
Surgical Errors
Great new excuse: “Mom, I'm
training to be a brain surgeon!” |
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Researchers: Apes Able to
Plan Ahead
Most show up for study ten minutes before
researchers. |
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 Japan: Robotic Hand
Developed That Operates
by Brainwaves
Researchers believe
stunning breakthrough
could “revolutionize”
dating. |
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| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
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Wisconsin Law Requires Sex
Educators to Present Abstinence
As Preferred Behavior for
Unmarried People
Followed by promiscuity, group sex,
homosexual experimentation, incest. |
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No Decrease in Cancer, Heart
Disease in Older Women From
Lower Fat Diet
According to study sponsored by Haagen-
Dazs Institute. |
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