Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – MAY 29 - JUNE 4, 2006
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Oregon: Nuclear Plant Destroyed
To make way for glow-in-the-dark mall.
Study: Cellphones, Laptops on Planes Can Disrupt Cockpit Instruments, Including GPS Devices Used in Landing
Passengers urged not to make calls unless they are very important.
High Court: OK for Police to Enter
Party Without Knocking in Emergency

Like a lot of hot babes inside.
The installation of Iraq's National Unity Government signals a new era for that troubled country because
A ) all the many Shiite, Sunni and Kurd militias can finally unite together against the government.
B ) officials can at last get down to the serious business of dividing up the different areas of graft, corruption and bribery.
C ) now there's a responsible entity to administer the civil war.
Hint: It's so much less confusing when you know whom to bribe.

Out with the bad, in with the worse. Here's a sneak peek at some new network offerings for next season:

“I've Got a Secret” (CBS): An updated classic game show featuring corporate whistleblowers who snitch on their employer. A panel of “personalities” tries to determine who's the boss.
“Celebrity Chef Dance Contest & Supermodel Poker Tour” (NBC): Nothing's missing from this shameless, schlocky smorgasbord, except entertainment.
“Tales From the NSA” (ABC): Highly personal dramas drawn from over 800 billion phone conversations.
“Product Place” (Fox): Yet another racy primetime sudser, with hot, horny housewives surrounded by brand names.

(Mr. TV threw out his television and will no longer be writing this column.)
Fiddle Goes for $3.54 Million
Washboard, jug thrown in to close deal.

   Copyright 2006 Ironic Times