Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – DECEMBER 4 - 10, 2006
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PEOPLE
Lindsay, Britney, Paris to Pool Resources
Will trim costs by sharing limousines, entourages, boyfriends.
Pam Anderson, Kid Rock Split
But neither rules out getting back together, splitting again in the future.
 
ENTERTAINMENT
Box Office Receipts Up
From Last Year

Due to plaintiffs' lawyers seeing Borat.
 
MEDIA
NBC First Network to Declare
Fighting in Iraq a Civil War

Based on exit polling.
 
BUSINESS
Ford To Get $18 Billion in Financing To Make Up For Expected Losses
Money will go to producing “Ford's Back!” commercials.
 
FACTOID
90% of All E-Mail is Spam
The rest is either blocked, lost, or another bad joke forwarded by your uncle.
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Male Birth Control Pill Developed
Critics question "morning-after" pill's effectiveness.
 
SCIENCE
Humans Smarter Than Previously Thought
Findings “frankly surprising,” says dolphin who led study.
Bees Trained To Sniff Explosives
Wanted: volunteers to both handle bees, defuse bombs.
 
Roman Shipwreck Yields Fragments of 2000-Year-Old
“Computer”

Sophisticated device was used to predict decline, fall of empire.
 
CORRECTION
We reported that the United States government had issued new rules to stop the practice of extracting false confessions from suspects through the use of torture. In fact, it is the Chinese government which has made this effort. Torture is still used by the United States. We apologize for any confusion caused by our mistake.

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