Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – JANUARY 8 - 14, 2007
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WEATHER
Northeast Experiencing Warmest Winter Ever
“Normally I'm digging out from three feet of snow,” says Buffalo resident Lawrence O'Hanlon (not shown).
 
ENTERTAINMENT
Forecasters Predict Long, Active Awards Season
Unless we catch some breaks.
“Wheel of Fortune,” “Jeopardy”
Renewed to 2012

Nation breathes huge sigh of relief.
 
BUSINESS
Toyota Developing Car That Shuts Down When You're Drunk
Starts honking when you pick your nose.
 
CONGRESS
Democrats Outline Bold Agenda
(SEE CHART BELOW)
SCIENCE
Administration Suggests Polar
Bears Be Added to Endangered
Species List

If executive branch is granted immunity from all prosecution.
 
China's Cloning Program Shows Early Signs of Success
But problem of overcrowding has to be solved.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Study: Constantly Playing
Violent Video Games
Unhealthy to Young Brains

Experts find resistance among politicians to regulating $88 zillion industry.
Meat From Cloned Animals Safe, Says FDA
Tastes “just like chicken.”
  LEGISLATION   ACCOMPLISHES  
  National Health Care Act   Statement of Concern strongly states lawmakers' concern about health care.  
  Anti-Lobbyist Reform Bill   Tough new definition of what a “lobby” is and who can hang out there.  
  Putting Our Foot Down On Iraq Resolution   Groundbreaking legislative heads-up will lead to putting national feet (both of them) firmly down on Iraq, also on Iran.  
  Stand Up to Big Oil Act   Everybody agrees to act like they're standing up to Big Oil.  

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