Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – JANUARY 8 - 14, 2007
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MISCELLANEOUS
South Korea's “Robot Mother” Provides Instruction, Education
Public learns what to do if ever called upon to deliver an android baby.
Researchers Baffled by Parrot With 950-Word Vocabulary
Bird beats them regularly at Scrabble.
 
POLITICS
Giuliani Campaign Playbook Left in Hotel Room, Leaked to Press
On last page it says, “leave campaign playbook in hotel room.”
 
SPORTS
Report: Baseballs Were
“Juiced” in 1998

Fortunately, umpires were “sloshed.”
Three-Way Ping Pong Proving Popular
Particularly among polygamists.
 
PEOPLE
Monica Lewinsky Earns Masters
Degree From London School of Economics
Monica Lewinsky earns Masters Degree from London School of Economics.
FEATURE
George W. Bush recently signed into law an Act of Congress which sharply limited the power of the government to open the mail of its citizens without a warrant. In his signing statement, the President wrote:
A ) I love this law! Yes! Totally!
B ) You know, this reminds me that I have a huge pile of mail on my desk and I really have to get to it one of these days.
C ) By the way, I’m going to open whatever mail I want to whenever I want. Nyah, nyah, nyah.
Hint: Constitution specifically grants this power to the Executive, provided that the President specifically uses the words, “Nyah, nyah, nyah.”

Gail Norton, the Former Secretary of the Interior who promoted oil drilling in the Alaskan National Wildlife Refuge, has taken a new job as:
A ) Executive Vice President in charge of dolls for little girls 5 to 7 at Mattel.
B ) Head of the Joint Chiefs of Staff on Mars.
C ) Chief Counsel for new drilling at Royal Dutch Petroleum.
Hint: She's well qualified for this job.

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