Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – JAN 29 - FEB 4, 2007
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NEW PRODUCTS
Anti-Flatulence Underpants Reach Store Shelves
Look for them in the “Highly Embarrassing” aisle.
 
CONSUMER NEWS
Consumer Reports Retracts Flawed Car Seat Test Results
Parents advised to strap infants to luggage rack until further tests can be conducted.
 
SPORTS
Super Bowl Prediction: Postponed
Due to Inclement Weather

Rare blizzard dumps three feet of snow on Miami, forcing NFL officials to reschedule game for Feb. 11, in sunny Cleveland.
 
KIDZ KORNER
Vocabulary Builders

win vi. to not lose, to not fail, as in, “We must ~ in Iraq.” archaic: to gain a victory in a contest, to succeed.
POLLS
30% Satisfied With State of Nation
Cite “progress of war,” among other reasons.
 
PUBLISHING
Novel Written Entirely in Text Messages Published in Finland
“lol,” says one reviewer.
 
LAW
New Bill Would Allow Dogs in Bars
But they must be over 21.
 
ALSO IN THE NEWS . . .
Air Force Reports Seeing UFO's Over
Several Southeastern States

Civilians pooh-pooh claim, say they were weather balloons.

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