Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – APRIL 2 - 8, 2007
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PEOPLE
Paris Hilton Faces Jail Time for Latest Arrest
At least twenty-five years, thanks to California's “three strikes” law.
 
ENTERTAINMENT
Miss America Pageant
Loses TV Contract

Pageant directors told unless a contestant is caught taking drugs in a nightclub or shooting her boyfriend, no network will be interested.
New NBC Sketch Comedy Show Features Stars, Sets, But No Script
Aimed at people who like watching TV with the sound off.
 
MEDIA
Survey: Web News Readers Have
Greater Attention Span

Those who read newspapers tend to rip them up after the headline.
 
BUSINESS
In Makeover, “Uncle Ben” Now CEO of Company
Call him “Mister Ben.”
HEALTH / MEDICINE
FDA Tightens Rules on Drug
Assessment Advisory Committees

Drug company CEOs no longer allowed to chair them.
Study: Roasted Vegetables as
Bad for Teeth as Sugar

Public advised to eat toothpaste.
 
SCIENCE
Study: More Kids 10-17 Seeing
Online Porn, Mostly By Accident

Or so they claim.
 
Hexagon Spotted on Saturn
No comment, says Pentagon.
 
ENVIRONMENT
China About to Pass U.S. as Greatest Producer of Greenhouse Gases
White House blames Clinton.
 
CORRECTION
 
Recently we reported that the President of the United States had defied world opinion, saying other nations could "go hang" after being criticized for false imprisonment and torture. In fact, it was the President of Zimbabwe who made the remark. We apologize for any confusion caused by our mistake.

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