Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – APRIL 30 - MAY 6, 2007
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NEW PRODUCTS
Caffeinated Soap Reaches Market
Coming soon: decaffeinated soap.
 
SPORTS
Bonds Approaching Record
Once Seemed Unapproachable

Held by Jose Canseco.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
  NYC Couple Complete 2,500-Mile
Cab Ride to Arizona

Asked to go to MOMA; driver thought they said Yuma.
China's “Women's Town” Run by Women
Modeled on “Boys Town.”
 
KIDZ KORNER
Vocabulary Builders

voter fraud n. the act of trying to register to vote as a Democrat, as in “Alberto: the President wants me to tell you we think several Attorneys General in swing states are not pursuing ~ aggressively enough and should be fired, so get on it - Karl”
FEATURE
A report from the Department of Homeland Security’s Inspector General has concluded that FEMA still improperly awards Katrina relief contracts, possibly in violation of federal law and at a substantial cost to taxpayers to unqualified companies who are:
A ) struggling, minority-owned local businesses.
B ) competent contractors based on Mars.
C ) major donors to the Republican party.
Hint: awarding contracts to unqualified bidders based on political donations would be unethical

The Secretary of the Treasury wants to roll back corporate reforms enacted in the Sarbanes-Oxley Act in the wake of the Enron scandal because:
A ) we now use only the finest ethical business practices so regulations are no longer needed.
B ) seeing us doing all that paperwork causes other countries to lose respect for us.
C ) over-regulated companies might relocate to more business-friendly places like the Death Star.

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