Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – JULY 30 - AUGUST 5, 2007
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NEW PRODUCTS
Device Operates TV With Hand Signals
This gizmo comes in handy when the remote breaks, or you run out of batteries, but be warned: one friendly game of thumb wrestling and the whole system needs to be recalibrated. Developed by signing gorillas. $79, at all Sit 'n' Stare stores.
 
TECHNOLOGY
Humans Defeat Computer at Poker
Computer breaks their knuckles.
 
SPORTS
NBA Ref Accused of Betting on
Games in Which He Officiated

League relieved bad calls weren't due to racism.
Madden '08 Will Feature Advertising
Players compete for best endorsement deals.
FEATURE
In 1842, 16,500 British troops and civilians left Kabul after a disastrous occupation. How many of them arrived safely in Jalalabad two weeks later?
  A ) 16,500
  B ) 1,650
  C ) 1
Hint: his name was William Bryden.
 
CONSUMER NEWS
Sara Lee Recalls EarthGrains
Bread With Metal Pieces

May cause sparking, fires in microwaves.
 
ALSO IN THE NEWS . . .
Radioactive Cobalt-60 Released
When Quake Damages Largest
Japanese Nuclear Plant

Public advised to get personal affairs in order.

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