Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – FEBRUARY 18 - 24, 2008
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PEOPLE
Limbaugh Says He'd Rather Vote for Democrat Than McCain
Dittoheads scratching their heads.
Canadian Man Claims He's
JFK's Illegitimate Son

If tests prove him correct, he'll endorse Obama.
 
ENTERTAINMENT
Tolkien Estate Sues Hollywood
Studio Which Has Yet to Share
Any of $6 Billion Profit From
“Lord of the Rings”

Per contract, case will be heard in Mordor.
 
BUSINESS
Consumer Sentiment Falls
Melancholy sets in.
Oprah Store Opens in Chicago
Shoppers who never miss her show, subscribe to her magazine, read every book she recommends and plan to watch her TV network should like it.
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Study: Breathing Dirty Air
May Lower Kids’ IQ

Scientists advise kids to stay indoors, watch TV, play video games.
Blue Cross Asks Doctors to Help Them Cancel Coverage for Some Patients
Just the sick ones.
 
Scientist Predicts Humanoid Sex Partners
“Build a better sex partner and the world will beat a path to your door.”
 
SCIENCE
Astronomers Find Solar System
Much Like Ours

Planets even have similar names.
Report: Gun Always on Board
Space Station

In case of robbery.
 
CORRECTION
 
We mistakenly referred recently to “voting members of the politburo.” The reference should have been to “the Superdelegates.” We apologize for any confusion caused by our mistake.

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