Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – FEB 25 - MAR 2, 2008
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PEOPLE
Times Square's “Naked Cowboy” Turns Down Six-Figure Offer From Hanes
Says he wants to be recognized for his music.
McCain Says He Hopes Fidel
Dies Soon

But admits he's too old to dance on his grave.
 
BUSINESS
80,000 Have Put Down Deposits on $200,000 Tickets for Five Minutes in Space on Virgin Galactic
Proving there's a rich sucker born every minute.
Preschoolers Show Preference
For Burgers, Fries in McDonald's Wrappers

Also prefer taste of wrappers.
Global Recession Being Felt Elsewhere
Retail sales are down on Venus, Mars (shown).
SCIENCE
Expert Predicts Machines Will
Match Man by 2029

Unless we unplug them.
Archaeologists Find Proof of Deity Predating Zeus
Outraged Zeus worshippers call assertion “blasphemy.”
 
As Climate Warms, Lower Third of U.S. Could Be Overrun by Giant Pythons
Plan accordingly.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Report: Diet Sodas Make You Fatter
Beauty creams make you uglier.
Study: Moderately Happy
Achieve More, Live Longer
Than Extremely Happy

Extremely happy live longer, achieve more than deliriously ecstatic.
 
RELIGION
Vatican Toughens Rules on Sainthood
Pope to build 700-mile fence around heaven.

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