Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – MARCH 31 - APRIL 6, 2008
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PEOPLE
Sarkozy's Wife Wows Brits on State Visit
All official business cancelled.
Genealogists Find Obama Related to Brad Pitt, Clinton to Angelina Jolie
McCain related to Bea Arthur.
 
MEDIA
Justice Dept. Approves Merger of Two Satellite Music Services
Agrees less choice, zero competition in consumers' best interest.
 
BUSINESS
Corn's Use for Ethanol Affecting Currency Markets
Wampum trading higher than dollar.
Commercial Two-Seat Rocket Ship Begins Daily Flights in 2010
One seat in first class, one in coach.
SCIENCE
Brain of Human Ancestor
Surprisingly Small

Ego of human ancestor surprisingly large.
Tribe Who Crossed Land
Bridge From Siberia Not
First to Arrive in North America

New evidence indicates they were looking for work.
Some Fear Large Hadron
Collider Will Create Earth-
Swallowing Black Hole

Others disagree.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Gap Between Rich-Poor
Longevity Widens

Rich fear poor won't live long enough to take care of them.
 
CORRECTION
 
Last week, due to a transmission error, we reported that Connecticut had seceded from the United States. In fact, an ice shelf the size of Connecticut had broken free from Antarctica. We regret the error.

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