Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – MAY 5 - 11, 2008
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PEOPLE
Report: Nelson Mandela on Terrorist Watch List
Authorities don't want him bringing his anti-apartheid message here.
 
ENTERTAINMENT
After Six-Year Hiatus, Mel Gibson to
Star in Thriller About Cop

Who tangles with drunken anti-Semite.
“Grand Theft Auto IV”
Reaches Stores

Experts predict record sales, steep rise in hate crimes.
 
BUSINESS
Ultrarich Still Spending, Superrich Cutting Back Slightly
Very rich eating dog food.
iPods, Other Devices Made in China Now Come With Viruses Pre-Installed
At no extra charge.
China Opens Trans-
Pacific Bridge

One-way span built for Brinks trucks carrying gold to Shanghai.
SCIENCE
Geneticist: Males Face Eventual Extinction
As their numbers dwindle, remaining few will be "exhausted."
Theory: Mirrors on Moon Could Send Signal to Distant Civilizations
To let them know we're six billion ignorant schmucks about to destroy ourselves.
 
China Hopes to Rid Beijing of Smog in Time for Olympics
First task: find Beijing.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Bad News: U.S. Life Expectancy
May Have Peaked

Good news: Social Security is saved!
 
CORRECTION
 
Last week, in explaining the Supreme Court's decision to uphold Indiana's voter ID law, we said the law would put an end to voter fraud in the state. In fact, there has never been a case of voter fraud in the state of Indiana. We regret the error.

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