Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – JUNE 9 - 15, 2008
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PEOPLE
Vatican Said to Be Battling Financial Problems
Shown: Pope Benedict shoots V8 commercial.
 
ENTERTAINMENT
Experts: Indiana Jones Film
Riddled With Inaccuracies

Among them: 65-year-old archeologists don't have stunt doubles.
 
BUSINESS
Ford Pickups Outsold by
Toyota, Honda

Toyota, Honda outsold by Schwinn.
Folgers Purchased by Smucker's
New company will be called, whether they like it or not, Fuckers.
SCIENCE
Researchers Tag Hundreds of
Sharks Off Mexico to Discover
Cause of Attacks

Probable cause: tagging.
Scientists Turn Genetically Tweaked E.Coli Bacteria Into Computers
Coming soon: salmonella that can compute pi to 200 million places.
 
Study: Greed Not Restricted to Humans
But humans have perfected it.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Study: Red Wine May Slow
Aging Process

Enough red wine will stop it altogether.
Study: Fewer Teens Having Sex,
Using Drugs, Alcohol

Based on what they tell their parents.

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