Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – JUNE 30 - JULY 6, 2008
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POLITICS
McCain Offers $300 Million Prize for Better Car Battery
Offers $200 million prize for better-tasting laxative.
 
ENTERTAINMENT
Hollywood Braces for Possible
Actors' Strike

Starbucks braces for glut of baristas.
 
BUSINESS
High Court Slashes Exxon Valdez Spill Punitive Damages
Says ExxonMobil has "suffered enough."
Chrysler to Offer Internet
Access in '09 Models

Automatically uploads video of your gruesome accident to YouTube.
Burger King Debuts $200 Burger
Less extravagant items available on its new “Under $100” menu.
SCIENCE
Study: Evolution Favors Trying
New Things

Explains adultery.
Astronomers Date Odysseus's Homecoming to April 16, 1178 B.C.
Next up: determining date rocketship bearing Superman landed on Earth.
 
Physicist: Tiny Chance Atom Smasher Will Create All-Consuming Death Star
Still, you should put on hold any plans beyond August.
 
CORRECTION
 
Last week we stated that only two percent of all network news is "devoted to superficial stories about celebrities." It should have read: "devoted to coverage of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan." We apologize for the error.

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