Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – JULY 14 - 20, 2008
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PEOPLE
Jesse Jackson: “I'd Like to Cut [Obama's] Nuts Off”
Later apologizes, says he didn't mean it literally.
Stephen Hawking Visits Playboy Mansion
Calls Hef a genius.
Senate Confirms Petraeus as Top Commander in Middle East
Only problem: where to put new ribbons.
 
BUSINESS
Chinese Man pays $2.1M for Lunch
With Warren Buffett

Disappointed, thought his lunch was with Jimmy Buffett.
Chevron's Refining, Marketing Divisions Lose Money in 2nd Quarter
Company blames low price of gasoline.
SCIENCE
NASA: Voyager Probe
Determines Solar System
Not Round, But “Dented”

Fortunately, we have solar system insurance, which covers dents.
 
Glass Beads Brought Back From Moon May Indicate Presence of Water
Or kids shooting marbles.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Drug Companies to Cease
Giving Free Pens

Additional cost of illegible prescriptions will be passed along to consumer.
Study: Anti-Aging Supplements
Don't Work

Fortunately, you don't need them, you look fabulous.
 
CORRECTION
 
We reported that “dairy” was a powerful tool in helping people lose weight. In fact, it is keeping a food “diary” that helps. Dairy products can kill you. We apologize for the error.

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