Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – FEBRUARY 16 - 22, 2009
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PEOPLE
Octuplets' Mom Pregnant Again
Tells reporters, “Kids happen.”
Sen. Mitch McConnell: New
Deal Didn’t Work

And Nazis won World War II.
 
ENTERTAINMENT
More Drop Cable, Watch TV on Internet
Some drop Internet, watch TV in corner bar.
 
BUSINESS
GM Lays Off Another 10,000
Mostly in Planned Obsolescence division.
Muzak Files for Bankruptcy
News greeted with celebrations around globe.
Starbucks to Sell Instant Coffee
And kick customers out after three minutes.
SCIENCE
Prediction: TVs in Contact Lenses Within Ten Years
So you can watch commercials wherever you are.
Study Shows Dogs Have
Sense of Fairness

Object to sales tax on pet food; deem leash laws oppressive.
 
Hadron Collider to Restart in September
Good time to get your affairs in order.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Teens More Likely to Be
Depressed if They Watch TV

Even more depressed if they watch “American Idol.”
Study: Fatter Twin Looks Younger
So go ahead, have another doughnut.
Study: Mediterranean Diet May Prevent Mental Decline
Conclusion based on repeated viewings of Zorba the Greek.

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