Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – FEB 23 - MAR 1, 2009
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OBITUARIES
Mr. Peanut, 93
Of salmonella poisoning.
LAW
S.C. Judge Rules Texas Hold ‘Em Game of Skill, Not Chance
On the other hand, being named to judgeship entirely matter of luck.
 
ADVERTISING
New Trend: Body Ads
Millions of human billboards could save economy.
 
SPORTS
Astros Shortstop Tejada Charged With Lying to Congress
A criminal offense, except when it’s done by government officials.
NY Times Seeks to Unload
Stake in Boston Red Sox

To finance revival of No, No, Nanette.
Most economists agree that the Troubled Asset Relief Program is not working. Congress is being urged to write off TARP and fund which of the following alternative programs?
A ) Greedy Bankers Assistance Fund
B ) Irresponsible Executives Bailout Plan
C ) Feckless Investors Support Account
D ) Negligent Predators Finance Administration
Hint: Not their actual names.
 
NEW PRODUCTS
Angry Madoff Victims Buying Up “Bernie Madoff” Devil Dolls
At $1 million each.
 
ALSO IN THE NEWS . . .
Revealed: French, British Nuclear
Subs Collided Several Weeks Ago

80-100 million dead.

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