Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – MAR 30 - APR 5, 2009
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ENTERTAINMENT
  Hollywood: New Three Stooges
Movie Announced

Latest version will be “dumbed down” for modern audiences.
 
PEOPLE
Verified: 93-Year-Old Japanese
Man Survived Both
Hiroshima and Nagasaki

Tsutomu Yamaguchi named “World's Unluckiest Man” and “World's Luckiest Man” in dual ceremonies.
 
BUSINESS
Fed to Give Everyone $1 Billion
Still may not be enough.
Tata Nano, World's Cheapest Car, Goes on Sale
If you have to ask how much it costs, it's for you.
TECHNOLOGY
Revealed: Most Celeb Twitterers Have Ghostwriters
Who write tweets like, “I'm too busy to write 'I'm too busy.'”
 
SCIENCE
Range of Pharmaceuticals
Found in Fish Near
Wastewater Treatment Plants

And none of them were depressed.
 
Study: Lobsters, Crabs Feel Pain
Also: would rather eat than be eaten.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Eating Red Meat Daily Linked to Early Death
Explains why you never see anyone over 19 at Arby's.
 
LIFESTYLE
On Average, Americans Stare at Screen 8 Hours Per Day
With occasional breaks to go to the bathroom.

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