Ironic Times

page one
PAGE THREE – MAR 30 - APR 5, 2009
page two

MISCELLANEOUS
Collector Unearths What Experts Think is Last Known Photo of Lincoln
Unusually tall bearded man in stovepipe hat and black frock coat standing in front of White House on April 14, 1865 waiting to be taken to Ford's Theater to see a performance of Our American Cousin “might be him.”
 
SPORTS
Michigan Ballpark Offering 4800-Calorie Burger
And trans fat-free fries.
 
NEW PRODUCTS
Move Over Ken, Here Comes Ben
This new Ben Bernanke action figure stands with his hands in his pockets looking troubled and perplexed, the first in a new series of U.S. government officials from the former makers of Bratz. $3.98 at Baubles, Bangles and Bobbleheads.
What, exactly, is a credit default swap?
A ) An insured derivative asset guarantee credit.
B ) A securitization of a mark-to-market financial instrument.
C ) A non-conforming investor reimbursement contract.
D ) A non-banking lender-originated mortgage-backed bond bundle.
Hint: yes.

Maryland is looking to revise its state song, “Maryland, My Maryland,” which contains the lines: “She is not dead, nor deaf nor dumb — Huzza! She spurns the Northern scum!” with something a bit friendlier for tourists. Which line would work best?
A ) She is not dead, nor deaf nor dumb — Huzza! She hopes yíall will come!
B ) She is not dead, nor deaf nor dumb — Huzza! She hopes youíll have some rum!
C ) She is not dead, nor deaf nor dumb — Huzza! She loves the Northern scum!
Hint: if it ainít broke, donít fix it.

FRONT PAGE
PAGE TWO
PAGE THREE
ARCHIVE
CONTACT
STORE
 ©  Copyright 2009 Ironic Times