Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – JUNE 1 - 7, 2009
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PUBLISHING
Time Debuts Mine
New magazine features articles, photos, opinion pieces about everything you own.
Newspaper Publishers Meet to Discuss Charging for Content
For example, an article about the death of newspapers would cost $.02.
Comics: Archie Finally Chooses Veronica Over Betty
But doesn't rule out threesome.
 
FACTOID
Spam Now 90% of All E-Mail
Down from 100%.
 
TECHNOLOGY
Pentagon Poised to Combat
Cyber Attacks

Ready to fight "War on Nerds."
Microprocessors Power
Submersible Robots

Could someday replace baking soda.
EDUCATION
Los Angeles Schools Cancel
Summer School Classes

Students advised to stay home or join gangs.
 
POLITICS
Georgia Congressman: No
More Guaranteed Citizenship
To Those Born Here

They'll first have to demonstrate an understanding of the Constitution and all its amendments, like the 14th.
Poll: Americans Split on Torture
Half vehemently opposed, half vehemently in favor.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
Recession Boosts Sales of
Sneakers, Chocolate, Spam

Based on latest earnings report from Sneakers, Chocolate, Spam & Beyond.
England: Marks & Spencer Drops $3 Surcharge for Extra Large Bras
“'Bout time!” says spokesperson for NAABBW (shown).

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