Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – NOVEMBER 2 - 8, 2009
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PEOPLE
Chavez Tells Venezuelans to
Stop Singing in Shower

“Or else.”
 
CONSUMER NEWS
Disney Offers Refunds for Baby Einstein, Baby Bach, Baby Mozart Videos
Can be exchanged for Baby Eisner videos.
 
SPORTS
New Yankee Stadium Already
Showing Cracks

Steinbrenners ask city for $1 billion to fix it.
NFL Grilled by Lawmakers About Head Injuries
Why is it that two huge men running at each other at full speed and then smashing their heads together is so much fun to watch? they ask, respectfully.
Charles Barkley Says He Wants to Be a GM
Or a senator.
FEATURE
HEALTH REFORM:
Many Plans Before Congress
Here's a brief explanation of each:
  Public Option: If you don't have insurance, you can get it.
  Private Option: If you have insurance, you can stop someone else from getting it.
  Opt Out: State chooses to let some of its residents die painful, gruesome deaths.
  Opt In: State chooses to rethink its stance and opt back in.
  Musical Chairs: Current system.
 
TRAVEL
Cruise Line to Retrace Voyage of Titanic on 100th Anniversary
On April 8, 2012, HM Balmoral will leave Southampton carrying over two thousand print journalists.
 
FACTOID
American Kids Drop Out of School at Rate of One Every 26 Seconds
There goes one now.

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