| SPECIAL EDITION:
THE DECADE IN IRONY, 2000-2009 |
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BUSH SAYS HE
FORGIVES FRANCE
For not joining war to
rid Iraq of weapons of
mass destruction they
didn't have. |
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Bush: Iraq a Lesson to U.S.
Foes
If you attack us, we will strike back at
somebody else with overwhelming force. |
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Bush Believes He Was “Called
by God” to Lead Nation
Tells friends God usually calls late at night,
collect. |
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Bills
Advancing in the House,
Current Session |
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Love
of Country Bill |
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Repeals
habeas corpus. |
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Healthy
Oceans Act |
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Cancels
limits on overfishing. |
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No
Child Left Behind II |
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Moves
all education funds to Defense
Dept. |
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Low
Income Families Rescue Bill |
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Provides
tax relief for billionaires. |
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Homeland
Protection and Safety Act |
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Adds
offshore tax dodges for Halliburton. |
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Fiscal
Responsibility Act |
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Imposes
"birth fee" starting in
2024. |
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POLL:
TERRORISM, IRAQ, ECONOMY AMONG AMERICANS'
GREATEST CONCERNS
But not at the top of their list. |
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Afghanistan's First Democratic
Election Set for October
All candidates promise to behead
opponents if elected. |
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Americans Divided on Who
Should Pay For War in Iraq
52% say children, 48% say
grandchildren. |
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Hourly Pay Not Keeping
Pace With Prices
Average McDonald's worker can't
afford to eat there. |
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Canada's Supreme Court:
Spanking Acceptable
As long as it's done in a private
club between consenting adults. |
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Martha Stewart Jailbreak
Attempt Foiled
She's caught trying to file through
prison bars with lemon zester. |
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 Secretary of
State Rice Makes
Surprise Visit to Iraq
Drops 500-pound bomb on
“safehouse.” |
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North Korea Agrees to Abandon
Nuclear Weapons Program
In exchange for boxed set of Daffy Duck
cartoons. |
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Pope Encourages Exorcists to “Keep
Up the Good Work”
Has kind words for vampire slayers as well. |
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Army Asks Congress to Raise
Top Recruitment Age from 35 to 42
Lower bottom IQ score from 42 to 35. |
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Alberto Gonzales to Remove
Covering From Breast of Statue
In Dept. of Justice
Orders all statues stripped, piled on top
of each other in lobby. |
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Bush to Lead
Investigation into
Hurricane Response
Will ask himself some
tough questions. |
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