Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – DEC 28, 2009 - JAN 3, 2010
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SPECIAL EDITION: THE DECADE IN IRONY, 2000-2009
BUSH SAYS HE FORGIVES FRANCE
For not joining war to rid Iraq of weapons of mass destruction they didn't have.
Bush: Iraq a Lesson to U.S. Foes
If you attack us, we will strike back at somebody else with overwhelming force.
Bush Believes He Was “Called by God” to Lead Nation
Tells friends God usually calls late at night, collect.
Bills Advancing in the House,
Current Session
Love of Country Bill
      Repeals habeas corpus.
Healthy Oceans Act
      Cancels limits on overfishing.
No Child Left Behind II
      Moves all education funds to Defense Dept.
Low Income Families Rescue Bill
      Provides tax relief for billionaires.
Homeland Protection and Safety Act
      Adds offshore tax dodges for Halliburton.
Fiscal Responsibility Act
      Imposes "birth fee" starting in 2024.
POLL: TERRORISM, IRAQ, ECONOMY AMONG AMERICANS' GREATEST CONCERNS
But not at the top of their list.
Afghanistan's First Democratic
Election Set for October

All candidates promise to behead opponents if elected.
Americans Divided on Who
Should Pay For War in Iraq

52% say children, 48% say grandchildren.
Hourly Pay Not Keeping
Pace With Prices

Average McDonald's worker can't afford to eat there.
Canada's Supreme Court:
Spanking Acceptable

As long as it's done in a private club between consenting adults.
Martha Stewart Jailbreak Attempt Foiled
She's caught trying to file through prison bars with lemon zester.
Secretary of State Rice Makes Surprise Visit to Iraq
Drops 500-pound bomb on “safehouse.”
North Korea Agrees to Abandon Nuclear Weapons Program
In exchange for boxed set of Daffy Duck cartoons.
Pope Encourages Exorcists to “Keep Up the Good Work”
Has kind words for vampire slayers as well.
Army Asks Congress to Raise Top Recruitment Age from 35 to 42
Lower bottom IQ score from 42 to 35.
Alberto Gonzales to Remove
Covering From Breast of Statue
In Dept. of Justice

Orders all statues stripped, piled on top of each other in lobby.
Bush to Lead Investigation into Hurricane Response
Will ask himself some tough questions.

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