Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – DEC 28, 2009 - JAN 3, 2010
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SPECIAL EDITION: THE DECADE IN IRONY, 2000-2009
China Drops Mao From School Textbooks
Replaces him with Yao.
North Korea Explodes Nuclear Weapon
Claims it's only intended for peaceful purposes.
Survey: U.S. Most Unfriendly
Country to Visit

Nearly one in three say that on arrival they were bound, gagged, renditioned to Egypt and tortured for months on end.
Analysis: Bush Tax Cuts
Don't Only Benefit Rich

Also benefit super-rich, ultra-rich, filthy rich.
Internet Reaches 100 Million Sites
One hundred million channels and nothing on.
37% of U.S. Births Out of Wedlock
Experts credit government's Abstinence Only program.
House, Senate Agree on Immigration Bill
Fifty more immigrant crossing signs will be posted in border states.
Only 13% of Congressional
Republicans Believe Global
Warming Manmade

Vast majority cite other reasons.
750,000 Homeless in U.S.
And 7.5 million unsold homes.
One Five-Story Building in
Cayman Islands Headquarters
For 5,000 U.S. Corporations

Location, location, location.
U.S. Divorce Rate Lowest
Since 1970

Experts credit Viagra, Botox, Prozac.
Mullah Omar Says He Hasn't
Seen Bin Laden in 5 Years

What's more, “he never writes, he never calls.”
BUSH SURPRISED TO LEARN OF HIGH GAS PRICES
“When I was elected eight years ago it was only a buck!”
McCain Cites His Experience
Over Obama's

Says opponent's never napalmed a village, married a beer heiress or been caught up in a savings and loan scandal.
World Future Society Predicts
1 Billion Millionaires in 2033

And eight billion beggars.
Probe Finds Variety of Pharmaceuticals in U.S. Water Supply
Ask your doctor if you should drink water.
IMF: Credit Crisis Will Cost $1 Trillion
Which we'll have to borrow.
McCain: Election Loss is Bittersweet
Bet all his wife's money on Obama.
Obama, Presidents Meet
Privately in Oval Office

They tell him who shot Kennedy.
Iran Says It's Building 10 Nuclear Facilities
Will sell bombs online.
Obama Proposes Huge Stimulus Plan
To get Americans borrowing again.
Republicans: No Reason to Probe Bush Administration Use of Torture
There was no oral sex involved.
Geithner Says Recession is Easing
Cites new, bigger bonuses for execs at AIG, Goldman Sachs.
Congress Approval Rating
Drops to 2%

Reelection rate remains at 98%.
SARAH PALIN'S 400-PAGE MEMOIR DUE IN NOVEMBER
She says she “can't wait” to read it.

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