Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – FEBRUARY 22 - 28, 2010
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NEW PRODUCTS
Finally, An Eye-Controlled Cellphone!
In the blink of an eye you can call your office, or ophthalmologist. Much handier than nose-controlled phones. Now you can wink at someone and call them at the same time! One caveat: must have battery surgically implanted in retina. $199, at Raised Eyebrows.
 
FACTOID
Hawaii Happiest State, West
Virginia Least Happy

After thousands of interviews with coal miners and hula dancers.
 
SPORTS
Putin Challenges Figure Skating Judges
Thinks guy from Spain should have won.
 
CONSUMER NEWS
Toyota Reveals Fix For Uncontrollable Acceleration Problems
Drivers must say clearly, “Close the electronic acceleration system, Hal.”
TRAVEL
Study: Vacationers Most Happy
Before Vacation

When they still have money.
American Airlines to Charge
$8 for Pillow and Blanket

Per hour.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
Cleveland Tops List of “Most Miserable” U.S. Cities
Study funded by New York Knicks.
Panel on Bioterrorism Preparedness Gives Government an “F”
Now government has to show report card to parents.
11% Check Their E-Mail
While Making Love

4% reply “OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG!”
 
PUBLISHING
Millions of Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issues Recalled
Article pertaining to sports mistakenly included.

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