Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – JULY 12 - 18, 2010
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PEOPLE
Prince: Internet is “Dead”
Prince, apparently, isn't.
 
PUBLISHING
New Palin Biography Aimed at Children
After adults said they wouldn't read it.
 
MEDIA
Al Qaeda Publishing Glossy Magazine
Featuring Virgin of the Month centerfold.
 
BUSINESS
Study: Rich More Likely to Default on Their Mortgage
And move into their beach house.
All Candy Cigarette Sales Banned in U.S.
Cost of candy cigarettes jumps to $200 a pack.
SCIENCE
Early Humans Settled in England 800,000 Years Ago
Evidence: fossilized overcooked vegetables.
Revealed: Image of Universe Moment After Big Bang
Photo courtesy Parallel Universe Syndicate.
Study: Neanderthals Had Popeye-Like Arms
And Swee'Pea-like brains.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Anxiety Worsens Prognosis
For Heart Patients

So if you’re having a heart attack, relax!
Delaying Start Time of High School
Helps Students Physically, Mentally

“But I had to show up at 8AM, and goddammit, so will you.”

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