Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – AUG 30 - SEPT 5, 2010
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PEOPLE
DNA Tests Reveal Hitler Had Jewish Ancestry
Ahmadinejad: “Hitler's no more Jewish than I am.”
McChrystal Takes Teaching Job at Yale
Describes new boss as “Ivy League asshole.”
 
ENTERTAINMENT
Porn Goes 3-D Imax
Ad boasts “Puts the 'imax' back in climax.”
 
BUSINESS
Investors Avoiding Stocks
Putting their money in more secure get-rich-quick schemes.
Most Recalled Eggs Will be Reprocessed, Used in Manufacture of Cookies, Cakes, Ice Cream
Bon appetit!
Christmas Shopping Season Begins in England
Many jam stores to avoid last-minute rush.
SCIENCE
Astronomer: Intelligent Life Will Be Detected Within 25 Years
Or he'll eat his hat.
10,000-Year-Old Skeleton Retrieved From Mexican Cave
Was part of drug-related gang war.
 
Giant Boot Print Discovered on Mars
Scientists waiting for other boot to fall.
 
Orbiting Telescope Detects Distant Planet Very Similar to Our Own
At precisely same moment telescope orbiting distant planet very similar to our own detects distant planet very similar to their own and yet less civilized, more immature.
Existence of Giant Super Star Challenges Black Hole Theory
Opens whole new can of wormholes.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Yoga May Ward Off Some Diseases
Almost as beneficial as drinking wine.

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