Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – MARCH 7 - 13, 2011
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TECHNOLOGY
Pentagon Developing Hummingbird Drone Aircraft
They'll be able to penetrate any enemy's defenses and suck the nectar out of their most colorful flowers.
 
TRENDS
CDC: Fewer 15 to 24-Year-Olds Having Sex
Too busy sexting, binge drinking, cutting themselves.
 
BOOKS
Mystery Manuscript in Unknown Language With Illustrations of Women Bathing Dated to 15th Century
Unreadable, it still topped best seller list for over two hundred years.
 
SPORTS
NFL: Owners, Players Square Off in Crucial Contract Negotiations
Three owners suffer concussions.
Robots Compete in First All-Humanoid Marathon
Top eight finishers were made in Kenya.
FEATURE
The Arizona State Senate has passed a bill giving themselves the power to nullify federal law. This is wrong because:
A )It’s unconstitutional.
B )Arizona is still a part of the United States.
C )You can drive right into it from nearby states without being stopped at the border.
Hint: Well, you could last time we checked.
 
RELIGION
Pope Clears Jews in Death of Jesus
Though they remain people of interest.
 
ODDS 'N' ENDS
British National Archives Releases Thousands of UFO Files
They prove beyond any doubt that Britain is an island nation suffering from centuries of inbreeding.

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