Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – SEPTEMBER 19 - 25, 2011
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PEOPLE
Rick Perry Tells Students Bad Grades Prevented Him From Fulfilling His Dream of Becoming a Veterinarian
Luckily for dogs.
 
BUSINESS
Consumer Sentiment Up Slightly
In Early September

Upgraded from devastated to inconsolable.
Rogue Trader for Swiss Bank Responsible for $2 Billion Loss
Spent it all on cheese, hot chocolate, stamps and cutlery.
At London Arms Fair, Cluster
Bombs on Sale

Also available online at LondonArmsFair.biz.
Campbell's Soup Cuts 800 Jobs to Save Money
Resulting in longer lines at local soup kitchen.
SCIENCE
Fifty New Planets Discovered Outside Our Solar System
Each one thinks it's the center of the universe.
Discovery of New Fossil, Australopithecus Sediba, Riles Scientific Community
Nasty debate over whether they were first species who argued about science.
Planet Spotted Circling Two Suns
To survive, humans would need a sunblock with an SPF of 160.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
In Study, Researchers Find Eating Chocolate as Good as Exercise
Sitting on couch all day eating bonbons equivalent to running six miles.
Subjects’ Resistance to Mild
Pain Better While Watching
Comedy Than Golf

Watching golf mildly painful in and of itself.

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