Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – MAR 26 - APR 1, 2012
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PEOPLE
Romney, Santorum Pick Secret Service Code Names
Respectively: “Flipper” and “Fanatic.”
 
BUSINESS
Employers Expect to Hire 9.5% More Graduates This Year Than Last
Do you want fries with that?
Nissan Reviving Datsun Brand
Car enthusiasts have long desired return of loud, underpowered, low-mileage death traps.
Kraft Chooses Name “Mondelez” for Its Snack Food Division
“Mondelez” means “artificial ingredients” in Pashto.
Obama Reveals Choice to Lead World Bank
Believes Jim Yon Kim (right) will provide more “shizzle” to staid institution.
SCIENCE
Experts: Half of World's 7000
Languages Will Disappear by
End of Century

But teenagers expected to create 3500 new ones by then.
Study Links Facebook Activity to Narcissism
Based on interviews with 750 million narcissists.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
High Fructose Corn Syrup Producers Apply to Change Name to Corn Syrup
“Sugar” was already taken.
 
LAW
24 States Have “Stand Your Ground” Laws
If you're ever in Florida, Georgia, South Carolina, North Carolina, Tennessee, Kentucky, West Virginia, Indiana, Michigan, Wisconsin, Louisiana, Texas, Oklahoma, Kansas, South Dakota, Wyoming, Montana, Idaho, Utah, Nevada, Oregon, Washington, Arizona or New Hampshire: don't wear a hoodie.

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